Bullying is one situation that can cause extreme stress in kids and teens. While we can’t always prevent bullying, there are certain things we can do to help make the time our kids spend at school filled with happy memories. We spoke with Misty Richardson, LCSW, clinical supervisor, Pediatric Inpatient Services, Northern Light Acadia Hospital who gave some excellent advice on how to help kids deal with bullying.
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Have an open conversation with your kids to talk about their day that includes the good things that happened in addition to anything that may be troubling them.
“This is an excellent starting point! Open communication makes it more likely that kids will talk to their families and teachers about bullying situations and other situations in which they need adult guidance. Parents can use the LUV model which stands for listen, understand and validate—sometimes kids want to talk about what’s on their mind and aren’t immediately looking for a solution.”
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Help your kids develop assertive skills that may arm them in the need of a defensive reaction. Role playing may help them learn these skills.
“Yes, teach your child to be assertive, remain calm, and walk away. A defensive emotional or behavioral reaction can reinforce and escalate bullying behavior. In addition, staying with your peer group for their support can deter bullying, especially when the peer group also responds with assertive and calm behavior. It can also be helpful to remain close to adults in situations where bullying has occurred, as it’s less likely to occur when adults are present.”
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Help your kids build self-esteem by encouraging activities that increase their confidence and self-worth. Help them find activities that they enjoy and will thrive at such as sports, arts, hobbies or even volunteer work. Encourage friendships and creating a strong support system with common interests. Teach your kids empathy so that they understand the effect of bullying the importance of kindness toward others.
“In addition to teaching kids kindness and empathy, we need to teach the value of differences in all people. Kids are often bullied for their differences but that’s what makes kids so special!”
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Monitor and limit online activity. Bullying is not only on the school grounds. Today, cyberbullying is very common and can be detrimental to the well-being of today’s kids and adults. Keep an eye on your kids’ social media usage and educate them about cyberbullying – how not to bully and to prevent them from being bullied. Encourage them to talk with someone if they know someone who is being cyberbullied, especially if it’s them.
“This is SO important! Bullying is happening more and more on the internet, in social media platforms, and even text messages. 16% or one in six kids are bullied online (per CDC). We must also teach children what is safe and not safe to post or share online.”
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Know when to intervene in a bullying situation. You want your kids to be able to handle situations on their own, but if bullying is severe or persistent, it may be necessary to assist your child in this situation. You may need to reach out to their school to make sure your kids are safe when they are away from you.
“20% or one in every five children have experienced some type of bullying (per CDC) and adults should always get involved if bullying is severe or there is concern with safety. Some things to look for if your child is affected by bullying: school avoidance, new or increased anxiety or depression symptoms, feeling sick with headaches or stomachaches, lower self-esteem, difficulty sleeping, and lower academic performance.”
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We want our kids to be safe and free from bullying. We also don’t want our kids’ bullying others. One of the best things you can do for your kids is to lead by example. Our children are always watching and learning and most of what they learn in the early stages of their lives come from the way you behave and interact with others. Children often learn how to handle difficult situations by watching their parents.
School can be a fun time, giving kids the tools to attend school knowing how to deal with bullies will go a long way in making their time at school enjoyable.