A cancer diagnosis is a heavy weight for patients and their loved ones. The diagnosis can be all encompassing. From chemotherapy to radiation to surgery-- some patients may be in treatment briefly or for years. There are frequent appointments, lab work, infusions, follow up injections, imaging, and all kinds of medications. There are vast amounts of things to do, and a lot of feelings. Patients with cancer may be scared for themselves, their loved ones, and what the future holds. They may worry about being a burden to their caregivers. Patients may be discouraged when they look and feel different, and when they can’t participate in their favorite activities.
A loved one with cancer may need more support than ever before, but it can be hard to know the best way to talk to them. Cancer can be an uncomfortable topic, but don’t let it deter you from reaching out; patients in treatment appreciate the support. Here are some tips to keep in mind:
- Offer to visit when it’s most convenient for the individual
- During your visit, ask if they want to talk about their cancer experience.
- Try not to be too eager or falsely cheerful.
- Be open and let your loved one direct the conversation.
- Respect their wishes; if they don’t want you to share their news about cancer, keep it confidential.
It can be hard to know what to say and what not to say. To be most respectful, you may want to steer clear of a few topics during your chat. According to WorldCancerDay.org, here are five things to avoid discussing, including:
- Downplaying their prognosis
- Focusing the conversation on yourself
- Mentioning alternative cures
- Sharing negative stories about other people with cancer
- Telling them that they can beat cancer
Here are some actions you can take:
Being a good listener is important, but if you would like to do something, ask if you can take small tasks off their hands, such as bringing them a treat they are craving, making dinner for them, walking the dog, or bringing them to an appointment. If they don’t take you up on anything immediately, ask to be on-call for a future favor. It takes a village to support those in cancer treatment and taking small actions showing you care can help your loved one through the toughest days.
"It may be hard for some patients with cancer to accept help,” says Kelsey Anderson, LCSW, Northern Light Cancer Care. “They may need encouragement and reassurance that it’s okay to ask for or accept help. Remind them that if they allow you to help with certain tasks, it may help them recover from treatment, heal, or spend the time doing something they enjoy.”
If you know someone in treatment or their loved one who needs additional support, encourage them to talk to a counselor or social worker at Northern Light Cancer Care. These individuals have special skills to help everyone dealing with cancer. Visit northernlighthealth.org/cancer.
If you would like to join a community of individuals passionate about raising awareness and funds to enhance research and support for patients with cancer in Maine, consider taking part in Champion the Cure Challenge. Learn more at CTCChallenge.org.