Did you know twenty-seven million Americans experience grief every year, affecting mental, emotional, and physical health?
Jane Cornman, bereavement coordinator with Northern Light Home Care & Hospice explains:
- Grief is feelings of sorrow caused by the loss of someone or something that was important in our life. Grief is a normal human experience, not a mental health problem. It happens to everyone. Unfortunately, we live in what I like to call a grief-averse culture. It makes us uncomfortable, so we avoid it. Then we’re less equipped to handle it when it happens to us, and at a loss when we want to help someone who is going through it. All of us would benefit from normalizing it, paying more attention to it, and learning how to cope with it.
- Grief has a bigger effect than people expect or want to think about. It isn’t just emotions. It affects us cognitively, physically, socially, and spiritually. We handle it better if we take grief seriously and care for ourselves appropriately.
- How long it will take for someone to feel better is highly individual and can’t be predicted. We like to imagine that over time it goes away, but the truth is that grief never ends. It changes, intruding less painfully and less frequently as time goes by. My experience has been that when people ask how long it should last, what they’re really asking is whether what they are experiencing is “normal” or not. Grief is usually marked by what grievers describe as ups and downs. We are less alarmed about someone’s grief lasting for a long time than we are by a griever who, after the initial shock has worn off, is experiencing all downs and no ups. When that happens, it may be time to look for professional, therapeutic help.
- To help someone who is grieving, there are two common pitfalls: making assumptions about someone’s grief and trying to fix it for them. Practicing compassionate listening is the best way to support someone who is grieving. This means listening to their grief in a way that reduces some of the pain. Generally, this works best when we listen openly, letting them lead and focusing on their experience instead of trying to offer a solution or advice. This means having the courage to sit in discomfort with them. It’s not easy, but it’s a huge gift for your grieving friend or family member, who will come to think of you as a safe person to be with in their pain.
Northern Light Home Care & Hospice offers 13 months of support to our bereaved families through monthly mailings, phone calls, and Grief Support Groups. These groups are open to the public.
For more information and resources that are available, please check out northernlighthealth.org/GriefSupport or call 800-757-3326.