My name is Nicole, and I am a patient at Northern Light Addiction Care. I remember my first day at Northern Light like it was yesterday. I was the tender age of 21, pregnant with my first child, and had a raging drug problem. I wasn't a bad person; I never imagined that I'd end up here! I grew up in a small town in Maine with a loving family. I graduated school with honors and was otherwise referred to as “Miss Goody Two Shoes”. I didn't smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol, or break the law. I was a good kid. What happened?!
The year was 1998 and the mother of one of my friends was prescribed Oxycontin for a neck injury. I was already prescribed Percocet for migraines so when she offered me something stronger that lasted longer, I jumped at the chance. I never thought that would be the beginning of the end--the worst decision of my life. The following few years were sad, and truthfully, disgusting. I did things that I never thought I would do, just to prevent becoming physically ill. It was literally as if the addiction had appeared overnight. We didn't understand it in the beginning, but soon realized we were dependent on a little pink pill. I somehow made it through those years without going to jail or overdosing, and for that, I am thankful. When I found out I was pregnant in 2003, I thought my desire to be a mom would outweigh the need for the drugs. I tried so hard to stop using on my own but the physical withdrawals that I felt were amplified because I was growing a tiny human. I just couldn't bear it. I had heard that Northern Light had a substance abuse outpatient center that used methadone as replacement therapy, but I was terrified that if I asked for help and admitted that I was actively using illicit substances, DHHS would take my baby away from me. I had always wanted to be a mother. I was born to be a mom, there was no doubt about it, and I would do anything to protect my unborn child! The undeniable desire to protect my child is what ultimately made me make that dreaded, fearful phone call to Northern Light Addiction Care. The person that took my call that day helped to change the course of my life. I had built the situation up so much.
It's difficult to admit that you have a problem, let alone admit that the problem is something illegal, and then tell someone about it and ask them for help getting out of the situation. I was judging myself, so I was certainly expecting judgement from the person I was calling. Gratefully, that was not the case. I could hear genuine empathy and concern from the person on the other end. Her first concern was my safety, and once I felt safe, I could open up and be honest. She explained the process and made sure that all my immediate needs were met, and I was in a safe space before scheduling an appointment for intake the following day. Going into treatment is overwhelming and scary. Since day one, through all my ups and downs, the staff has been nothing but supportive.
A safe environment is so important in recovery. I have always felt supported and safe at Northern Light Addiction Care which has aided in my recovery immensely. It takes so much pressure off to be able to walk into a place to receive care where you're greeted by name, and the staff takes time to get to know you, your children's names, their likes, or any needs you may have. There is staff there today that were there on my first day back in 2003. That is loyalty and that means a lot!
With the help of Northern Light Addiction Care and an amazing counselor I have not used illicit drugs in 20 years! I have two beautiful, intelligent, happy teenagers, a beautiful home in the country, a nice, reliable vehicle and a great relationship with my family and friends! All these things would never have been possible if I didn't have the courage to ask for help. It hasn't been easy. In 2019, I suddenly became very sick with several debilitating illnesses. I was hospitalized several times where I had to undergo tons of procedures and invasive tests. After not responding to months of infusions and aggressive treatments, my care was transferred to Mass General where I was hospitalized again. It's extremely difficult to navigate the medical system and advocate for proper care when you have been labeled by society as an "addict." Northern Light Addiction Care was by my side every step of the way helping support me while I learned. I learned from experience that it is possible, with a lot of hard work, to lead a "normal" life; a better life. The path to recovery is full of potholes to avoid and mountains to climb, but it's a path worth walking. The first step is asking for help.